Two of my children have my diagnosis. Effective treatments are an ongoing battle. And parenting is a scary proposition. At times the collective functioning of our household is fight or flight. Calm is a luxury.
I have fears about the future, too. How do you nurture relationships that are handicapped with severe mood changes and coping behaviors? For every intimate triumph there are alienating failures just around the corner.
All parents have difficulties and insecurities with their parenting choices. Mine come in the form of questions: How do you respond intentionally to a screaming child who is throwing chairs because his brain chemistry is whipping up a hurricane of neurotic thinking and emotion? Disciplining those moments is much like sending your epileptic child to timeout for having a seizure. Calming that storm requires a great deal of patience, which is challenging if the parent is already navigating her own internal upheaval.
I don't have the answers. Every day we rely on Grace to forgive ourselves and continue loving each other more than we hate our illness. Maybe that is the answer.