a journal of one person with manic-depressive illness

Friday, July 30, 2010

Cold Turkey Itch

Two weeks ago, a trip to Virginia left my pills behind in Tennessee. This was a very frustrating turn of events that would have turned the car around if we weren't already halfway to our destination. Coping for a few days without medication isn't the problem. It's going a few days without the kind of medication the requires a 30 day starter pack. Basically, you go a couple of days without the pills, and you have to start the packet over again...which means you don't just go a weekend without proper dosage, you go an entire 30 days without the proper dosage.


But before we even returned back to TN, I attempted to get ahold of my doctor, and failed. So the way forward was clear: cope. I experienced some pretty nasty withdrawals. I had been at the highest dosage of this medicine when I had to quit cold turkey.

This experience was humbling. I am usually the socially adept individual who can get a few laughs from just about anyone, who found herself scratching her arms uncrontrollably and shaking away the chemical imbalance. How do you explain this behavior to others, much less to your own perceptions of yourself? It's difficult to maneuver harsh physical realities with perception.

Arriving back home was a relief, or at least psychological relief--help is on the way. I'm still working up to my original dosage, and no longer experiencing the strange urge to scratch myself, but I am depressed, and have a hard time getting out of bed and starting my day. Functioning is always a challenge in the interim. Nothing is interesting, including this post--but I'm doing it anyway--gotta take the boring in with the excitment.